There are potentially 32 million embarrassed Ashley Madison customers today. Many of them are, by power of numbers alone, in Sydney and Melbourne.
With almost 252,000 members, Sydney is reportedly the third heaviest user of the extra-marital affairs site in the world, beaten only by the promiscuously married people of Sao Paulo and New York. Melbourne is not far behind in sixth place
It's a fairly safe bet that one of your colleagues is thinking twice about using their real email address when they signed up to the platform. What seemed a good and highly private idea at the time has suddenly become neither. So, how to treat those who are red-faced or worse today?
Christina Spaccavento, a Sydney counsellor specialising in sex and relationships advises caution, all the way:
Surely it's none of our business, anyway?
Spot on! As the saying goes, keep your eyes on your own work. Focussing more on our own relationships, mental, physical and spiritual health will bring us much more benefit than delving into the personal lives of others.
Yes, but someone I know is on it and now I'm not sure how to approach them
You treat them like you did before you found out. Nothing has changed in terms of how this person is treating you, so there is no reason to alter your behaviours around them. We ultimately don't know what other people's relationships look like on the inside and so we are in no position to judge.
So, I shouldn't say anything?
Absolutely! Respecting someone's privacy particularly in the workplace is essential. Remember, you all have to work side by side for 8-10 hours a day so keeping relationships professional is still important, particularly if you become privy to sensitive personal information about others.
What if it becomes an elephant in the room?
If this is affecting your ability to work with each other, you may need to have a confidential chat with your colleague. But it is essential to remember that this can be a VERY sensitive issue for many people and you need to have strong rapport and respect before you even think about going there.
Can we ever justify saying something to them?
This comes down to your motives. If you're wanting to say something for the sake of it then it's not much of a justification, but if you can see that discussing this issue will assist in resolving an issue related to your work then it might be justified. But be very cautious! You could quickly find yourself in a very sticky situation pretty quickly if you don't choose your words carefully.
What will they need at this time?
They will definitely need support, understanding and compassion as well as be allowed to continue do their job as usual.
Should we care about who's on the list?
We all have different values and morals. Our culture predominantly references its values on the Judeo-Christian value of monogamy and many of us judge others negatively who have extra-marital relationships. So if you find yourself caring, ask yourself which part of you has been triggered and why? Take it as an opportunity to learn about yourself. It's important to let others be, so live and let live.
Is it wrong to look for someone on the list?
Whether it is wrong or right isn't the question here. What is more important is to ask yourself why you're looking and what you want to gain from doing this. If your intentions aren't pure and loving, then don't go there.
This must go on all the time without the help of Ashley Madison, what's your take on treating 'cheaters'?
People who cheat are human beings. We may make judgements about their behaviours from the outside but just don't know what is going in their relationships and lives. What's more, they are still people. Treating all humans with respect, kindness, compassion and understanding (and this includes "cheaters") is a pretty good way to go about it.
