New Idea rings a heady bell of staleness at year's end with a story about Nicole Kidman and her "agony".
Never does a week go by without mention of Kidman's "agony".
Magwatch wonders if the gossip magazines think she keeps it in a box with perforated air holes, an egg cup of water and some grass clippings to keep it alive.
NI's story is all about how Keith Urban is going to be "busy" in 2015 and how that has made Kidman "so unhappy" because all she ever thinks about - apart from acting and parenting and wondering what hideous wig she will have to to wear in the next film - is "her big dream of having another baby".
"Nicole's really suffering" says an "insider" (or as Magwatch calls it, a stale orange turning green in the New Idea office bin). "She's always bending over backwards to support him."
Magwatch cannot say that "always bending over backwards" to support your husband isn't a sterling symbol of wifeliness. But it can't be practical.
It must be exhausting if your wife is flipped over rearward every time you want to talk about the car needing a service, or where the remote control is.
And who knows the dangers of a romantic dinner date (wine and errant condiments up the nose) or moonlit walks in the countryside (forehead smeared by dirt and wombat poo).
Jennifer Lawrence has been "Busted!" by Famous magazine for spending "five hours" and "two pizza deliveries" at director Gabe Polsky's Hollywood house with her dog.
" 'They ordered a couple of pizzas and about 30 minutes later another delivery man came with more pizza,' says an insider. 'They definitely weren't in there reading scripts. They were having a good time.' "
Magwatch is all for eating a lot of takeaway food but is surprised five hours and a lot of pizza instantly equates to having "a good time" (wink, wink).
After six pizzas, and with a dog in the room, it seems more likely everyone lay down and let the pooch lick the salami smears off their faces.
Heady, Hollywood over-eating times.
